Fake smile , true wound .

若你问我，我的儿时记忆是什么，我会告诉你那是黑白模糊。
我开心吗；我不知道，我的记忆体储存着都是泪与痛。

当您说我的不完美时，是不是很有娱乐性？
当您嘲笑我的丑陋时，是不是快乐似神仙？
当您批评我的迟钝时，是不是你孩子比我聪明多了？

您，是所谓小孩子们的口中大人，是孩子有礼貌的称呼对象之一。
当初，你说的一切，恕我恶言相对，你很没脑。
别问为什么我视你为隐性人，因为我不希望我们之间有任何的互动，我觉得很恶心。

没有人保护当时的我，我也得学会不奢望任何人保护我。
我的自我保护，就是让我好好的过我的生活，不再被你的丑言左右一生。
可是，那话题早就是我敏感的课题了，在这一项目里，我真的很讨厌这样的我。

别说我身上隐形的伤口不是您造成的，别说我的问题，别说抱歉。
请你别再以亲戚的身份做我的亲人，继续做陌生人。
我的过去已经弥补不了，至少未来我努力不让你有机会继续侵袭我的心。

现在，我不必你孩子逊，我甚至是家族里看见的另外一个孩子。
我不在乎我曾经在你们眼中是无可救药的笨，“比”和“各”都分不清。
至少现在，我给自己一个很好的交代，that's alright to be mistreated .

我自己负责我的明天。


大人，我也不再是小孩，你们的举动我有份制止。
我会用一辈子纠正你们的脑袋与心脏，好让你们有脑袋说正确的话，和有将心比心的好心脏。
我发誓，我的假笑在您们面前才有，因为我有了让我由心而笑的另外他人。

H and A

能不能不要再这样无所事事了阿，我真的很废料咯。

所以，这恼人的问题必须被解决。
因此呢，Ms Wong帮组我找生物老师。
其一的原因，我即将拿医学系，却对生物的知识陌生。这是很不行的，是不是。
还好我很有自知自明，决定找老师增加知识去。

另外一个理由是，我头脑生锈了，废人的日子果真的很好，只是不适合连续数个月。

明天还得驾车还书去。
好懒惰啊~

生活作息需要稍微调整了。


整理好所有的文件，就得寄给那所大学了。
印度啊，2年半很快的拉。
不要怕不要担心。

How to say

Sing your lungs loud out . Crap .
How hard have you try ? Hey bud , I sang until my soundtrack gone , ain't you see I've tried my best of the best .
Ah ya , I see , so ? So , I've tried so hard as you can see , yet you gave me nothing .
Here comes a voice , " Son , you do tried hard , it's undeniable . But you do in the wrong way , that's the reason you didn't make any changes . Try again , try the other way this time , try to be out of the box . "

What if I tell you I started not to believe myself .
What if I stretch out my arm and reach for help .
What if no one out there lift me out from here .
What if I'm the one who behave so stubbornly not to let myself go .

Is it okay to get some help , but how ?
I should have stop wandering and doubting about the unknowns that soon reach for me .
Because I have no idea on what's coming next .

My life has already got its plan and I supposed do whatever I need to do .
Pray for the answer to be clear , pray for not to be anxious as You're there for me .
Yet , You know humans are quite weak to stand firmly on there foot .
Yes , indeed .



[Don't spoil what you have by worrying about what you have not. Never let your hearts desire become a heart disease! ]


Seeking for the strength that about to depart inside myself .
The road is rough , so I got to be tough .

我还是很爱你们

我冷漠，不代表我不爱你们。
我只是，不知道怎么面对你们。

我问过你们，
要是有一天我再也不是你们认识的那个女儿时，你们是否会继续爱着我？
你们没回答，不是你们不知道问题，而是你们选择逃避。


有时，你们也是和我一个样，都很固执。
所以，别说我顽固自见，因为你们如同我一样。
只是我比你们还会聆听。

别再责备我为何总是不告诉你们，因为每每我想诉说时，你们早已打断了我的对话。
别再素问我为何在多年后说真相，因为当初的你们和现在一样不曾学会默默地聆听。

您们，我想知道的，是否一个女的不能有着很重大的梦想么？
难不成只有男孩才有资格去实践，而女孩只能想不能行。

我不埋怨为何您会口出此言，因为无可否认的，你们依旧有着传统般的思想。
我想您原谅我，这次我不想听你的话，我向往我要的未来走去。
我不怕过程可怕，我只是怕有梦却不敢实现的人最可怕。

要是钱是您们的问题，那我会想办法解决这问题。
对我来说没有解决不了的问题。
"God has no problem when we having money , but He doesn't want money having us "
这说明，别因为钱而拥有了我们，我不想这问题而阻挡了我的去路。
不是我野心大，我想要未来我的生活有保障，你们的生活更无忧无虑。



我还是很爱很爱你们，别质疑这份心。
给我时间证明一切，我真的很想走到我的梦想。
5年后我开始工作。
7年后我挑起爸爸的负担。
10年后继续我的梦。
12/3年后毕业于专科。
15年后我有稳定的经济基础。

15年的长跑，我真的不怕。
35岁的我，希望是一名心理医生了。


我有小小的愿望，就是年年都有你们在身边。
年年都有你和我在一起说爱。


*当你们看到这里时，请原谅我为何拜托妹妹要求你们读。因为我想要说出20年都没机会讲出来的“我爱你”*

永恒

你是否还记得你说过的承诺栩栩动人，美的现实都向你妥协。
你说你愿意等我，你骗我了。

我不会生气你的离去，曾经揪着领口安抚充满仇恨的情绪。
现在没有那股强烈的感觉了，因为习惯了那烦人的滋味了，免疫了多。
没有人会愿意花精力时间心思等对方完成了梦想在一起携手走下去。
你的那句话，已经是最好的证明了。


有人说，当你被伤了一遍不会使你放弃继续爱他人，只是你失去了最初虔诚的信任。
时间再也带不了我回到最初的街头，心头小鹿乱撞的场景不会再次上演。
因为我们知道之后还得面对太多的问题。



不久前，我看到了这么一句话：

和文字有接触的孩子不会快乐

是不是这样，我想说因人而异吧。

有个朋友说：要是对方认为你就是对的人，不管怎么样都会等，因为那是体谅。

有哪些人能如此体谅，而不是自私为自己想。

Hold on , if you love me .Bear with me till the end until my dream has been accomplished .Give me the strength when I need it most .Be with me , need me like how much I needed you as well .
Could you be someone who will know treat me right ?

真正值得，和对的人或许在前面等着。
因为，我愿意和你一起完成我们各自的梦想。






谢谢那位离开的，你的离开让我发现你不是对的人，我会期待准备下一个。

Predict the unexpected .

It's a awesome phrase where I find no way to describe my life with it .

Why so , it is just simply because we can't predict what's coming next .

How good if we really have the power to expect what is in front or coming soon .

Too bad we can't do so .

Life is like a tv , God will decide the channel with remote in His hand .

What we can do with it ?

The answer is we do the best performance in each session .

This is work in term of theory .

Practically , how hard can you imagine for trying to make the very first step .

Let me introduce my own language - imagineless .

I believe that everyone has been love someone and loved by someone .

The moment you got one of it , I'm quite sure you will lost something else .

I just give my own opinion based on my observation and so called experience .

Well , I just came back from Bali with my darker skin .

This was a tour where I finally realized I no longer a teenage , but not yet an adult .

What I feel with this awesome 20 is that I reached a point where I need to re-define myself , and my vision for my tomorrow and also my awesome family .

Definition of  me , HLS .

Undefined , I think .

So , time wait for no one and move fast please lulu .

No more reasons to step backward , no more fear to step forward .

Do I worth it ?

No one knows the answer and you should find it by yourself .

Answer won't come to you , but you have to move to it .

Life is incomplete without you .

What I should do for make sure a good future that I able give you all .

I'm wondering since when you all meant so much for me .

We fight , we argue , we scold ...

I think all those negative actions don't seem to stop us from loving each other , yesh it never succeed to block the love and care among us .

How amazing it is , right ? =D

I realized how beautiful the relationship that God has created for me and you , thanks God for this wonderful family you had give me .

I appreciate the gift that He give me , the challenges He put in where to train us to be more strong for each other .

I really don't blame it on them because they don't realized it was wrong .

I'm so blessed with the love they gave me for those years down the road , how great they are .

We smiled together for every jokes we spoke .

We cried for what we did for each other .

These is a process where we learn how to blame , how to doubt , how to forgive , how to love each other .

The moment we spent to understand each other more and more is so precious so that our relationship as a family will be no ending .

My life is incomplete without the presence of you all .

I'll miss you all if I off to overseas for my study purpose .

Yet , you all can just lean the trust on me that I'll continue the love no matter where am I .

I promise , I never let you all down whenever you all reach for me .

For the sake of the family  and you and him and her , I will always be there and stay inside your heart forever .

Be healthy , is all I wish when I am not there so that you all have the chance to celebrate the big day of mine .

Reset the mistakes and restart it with unstoppable love and cares .

Therefore I shall plant the tree of loves , water it with cares .

I love you , my family .

Let us go through every ups and downs together and never give up to any obstacles .

I love HIM , for such a wonderful gift .